Posted on | April 5, 2011 | 6 Comments
Sadly I’ve neglected this blog for the past 6 months but my life hasn’t been idle! My husband, David and I have been working almost every hour God gives us trying to establish alternate sources of income so we won’t be retired and broke at age 65. We are currently 57 so that is 8 years from now. I’m an American living in England and observing the news reports and the people of my age whom I know here. My observations are that this is a much more conservative culture than the US. I have colleagues at work who have paid off their mortgages or are close to it. Most of these people have been married to the same person for over 35 years and haven’t had businesses, divorces and big moves. The news today reported that there are more people have paid off or are contributing extra in order to pay off their mortgages than there are people who have taken out new mortgages this past year. Or maybe it was the amount of money in vs out that they were talking about rather than number of people. They suggested that as interest on savings is so low people are seeing adding equity to their homes as a much better investment as they are paying off a higher interest than they could save and earn. Makes sense, but for a couple like us who still have credit card debt paying that off will certainly come before paying off our interest only mortgage. Yikes, credit card debt at age 57, not good. My 20 something daughters don’t have any credit card debt, they have followed more in their grandparents’ path than in mine and that is a good thing. Hopefully they will also only be married once like their grandparents.
My category of baby boomer is the many out there who have followed their passion, owned businesses, divorced (in my case 2 times), moved (in my case to another country), involved themselves in all sorts of personal growth/self help, attended millionaire mind training (in my case twice), tried various forms of entrepreneurship including internet marketing, wrote a book etc etc. We were the entitled baby boomers, the ones who did it our way. We were/are the risk takers, the positive thinkers and the followers of law of attraction. We believed, still do, that we can do anything and won’t be one of those that winds up broke at 65. Still broke at 57 but I do have 8 more years and I’m still open to all possibilities. We would like a location independent lifestyle and are still searching for the right passive investment/businesses to get us there. We are very different from the people I know here who will live in their mortgage free house and have pensions from both the government and their own investments/savings over the years. They took the slow steady path with one spouse in one house and in some cases the same job for a very long time. I don’t think the slow steady path is my destiny in this lifetime and I think I would have been very bored with it, still there is a small bit of jealousy around their 9 – 5 lifestyle that includes having fun evenings and weekends. David and I are both workaholics. The law of attraction/Abraham says we should stay in our vortex of joy. We are incredibly happy with our relationship so perhaps that constitutes joy for us rather than going to the pub and drinking. I believe ‘joy’ is very subjective.
I would love some feedback from both types of baby boomers and younger people on these ideas of financial security and joy of living.
Posted on | October 23, 2010 | 1 Comment
My daughter and her friend started a book club on Facebook that I joined and the past 2 weeks we discussed the book Tuesdays with Morrie subtitled an old man, a young man and life’s greatest lesson. The book is a true story about Morrie a very special college professor who touched Mitch’s life in a very profound way. At graduation Mitch gives Morrie a gift and promises to stay in touch. Then life happens and Mitch is caught up in it (career, money, marriage etc). One day he hears on television that Morrie Schwartz is dying of a terminal illness called ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) an unforgiving illness of the neurological system that ends in a death. The disease usually begins in the legs and works it way up. By the end, if you are still alive, you may be breathing through a tube in a hole in your throat. Morrie was told he had two years left but he suspected it would be less.
Morrie made death his final project as everybody is going to die and most societies have always been afraid of it without really understanding it. Mitch re-connects with Morrie after more than 20 years and travels to his home to spend every Tuesday with him until he dies. This incredible book that is all about what it means to be human, is Mitch and Morrie’s thesis on life and how to live it. It talks about regrets, death, family, emotions, the fear of aging, money, marriage, forgiveness etc. Mitch tells Morrie he doesn’t know how to say goodbye, but he does really and the touch, tenderness and tears he has learned all prove it. The book is excellent and it is a small book that can be read in just a few hours. I read it on two Wednesdays while Oscar my beautiful 8 month old grandson slept in my arms. (I babysit him every Wednesday.) It’s a tear jerker anyway, and maybe my menopausal hormones added to it but this young life in my arms who shows me unconditional love with his hugs, while reading this book was a peak experience for me. I might add that the lights were out, only natural sunshine lit the room and I was playing some beautiful CDs by Peter Kater on the stereo. Just like this dying man showed what it is to be human so did this new baby. He woke up and I was reading and crying. He slobbered on my face which is how he kisses and looked at me with those big all knowing eyes. Wednesdays with Oscar while reading Tuesdays with Morrie will remain with me for a long time and warm my heart.
Posted on | September 8, 2010 | 5 Comments
I am part of a wealth and wisdom group of spiritual entrepreneurs that is currently discussing ‘stuff and clutter’ and why we don’t actually need it anymore in our lives. I too am trying to clear my clutter although not as rapidly and bare bones as some of them. I shared my thoughts with the group that in my opinion it is all about happiness isn’t it. Clearly money and the stuff it buys doesn’t bring happiness, but also even more clearly lack of money doesn’t either. I hope that those who are de-cluttering all of their possessions away aren’t doing it as a route to happiness as happiness is within, with or without possessions.
I briefly shared about a personal growth course I went on 20 years ago and about learning that many go through life saying when x happens (I get married, graduate, kids grow up etc etc) THEN I will be happy. In truth happiness is not a destination or a future occurrence. It is within us and a feeling we just have to embrace (independently of what is currently happening). The sad thing was that I was married to a rich dentist at the time (husband number 1) and everybody in this group was a dentist or doctor or their spouse. Nobody in the group was happy and they were all rich! I made the mistaken connection that the money was the problem and husband number 2 was poor. That even more clearly didn’t bring happiness. Husband number 3 shares the same life lessons that I do and we really do feel that regarding money it is currently like a frozen account that we just don’t have access to at the moment but it is already there on some level…
I told the group I just wanted to make sure that being clutter free isn’t like the x in the above equation that ‘when I’m clutter free THEN I’ll be happy’ as stuff or no stuff wherever you go there you are!
The other thing is you can’t be afraid of being hurt. Some in the group were expressing that they aren’t buying totally into the idea that they will be prosperous so they aren’t hurt if it doesn’t happen. I have to say that is how the majority of the people who have been hurt in relationships feel and that is why they are protecting themselves from trying again. Think of a little child in a playground who falls off a swing. Do you think they swear off swings or decide not to swing in full joy because they might get hurt? Of course not and we have to be as the little child and not be afraid. If we believe our beliefs create our reality which clearly we all do (at least on an intellectual level) then we really need to believe with all our heart, soul and spirit that we will prosper.
Then, we can each decide how much of our ‘stuff’ we want, how much we want to work (because we want to not because we have to), how we can best give to others etc.
Posted on | August 14, 2010 | 1 Comment
Time is a concept that I’ve been a bit focused on since my mother was in the hospital in April. I guess I’ve been a little bit tuned in to the mortality of all of us. Although I do know that we are timeless spirits temporarily inhabiting a human body it is still a bit sad how quickly this life passes and how few of the details we actually remember when looking back. (Or maybe it is just me.) I’ve had three lives in this lifetime in that I’ve had three very different husbands. Twenty-five years ago when I was still with my 1st husband, I had a baby and was expecting another one, a psychic told me I would one day live in a different country. I didn’t believe that although I did file that away in my memory bank as that reading was quite accurate in everything else. Today I’m married to my 3rd husband and I live in England. No, I didn’t marry him just to prove that psychic correct. My first 2 marriages are almost a blur and very hard to remember many day to day details although some events do still reside in my memory. It is also difficult to remember details of my daughters’ childhoods. Yes, I’m in menopause now but I don’t think I have dementia! How is it that life just passes like a blink of an eye?!
David and I have been married for almost 10 years. We were 46 when we got married and we would love to celebrate a 50th anniversary with each other as we really are soul mates and want to have a long life together. That would make us 96 which certainly motivates us to lose weight and get to an optimum level of health as well as work on manifesting much more wealth than we currently have or how can we support ourselves to such an old age. My mother is in the very early stages of Alzheimers. It isn’t nice and I hope they find a cure soon for it. She has been much better lately so the drugs they are using are obviously working. Personally I hope I can carry on as I have to date not needing any prescription drugs as I really don’t believe in them and so many people are on a real cocktail of drugs. The key, I believe, will be to get my weight down, increase exercise and avoid stress as well as maintaining happiness.
I’m actually very happy although many will say I work much too hard. I have a day job (legal secretary) 4 days a week. I work almost full time hours over 4 days and have a 1 hour commute each way so those are 4 long days. On Wednesday I babysit my adorable grandson Oscar. That is such a pleasure and a way to get myself out of my multitasking driven mindset and it just allows me to be totally in the moment with him. In a way I’m using him to get back some of the time I lost with my own daughters when I went back to work shortly after they were born. I know, it is a different person but it takes me back 25 years to being a young mother again. It is difficult to explain. Being a grandmother takes me into a state of pure love. He adores me and I adore him. I think he is an old soul radiating this pure love energy that feels so good.
Then on Saturday and Sunday (not to mention before and after work on the other days) I spend a lot of time online on facebook, twitter, my facebook page and also trying my hand at internet marketing. Like I said a bit more money is needed to live to age 96! I’m a soft sell internet marketer though and I wouldn’t recommend something unless it is something that I myself own or would like to own. I really want to help people and couldn’t sacrifice my integrity for money.
So, there aren’t enough hours in my day or week as I also enjoy being with David who is also working all the time now so it is ok. He has a business that he would like to sell one day soon and is trying to get it to the point where it will provide some of that income that will take us to age 96. So to those who say that all I do is work, I have to point out how happy I am and that I love everything I do so it really isn’t work. In fact Confucious said ‘choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life’.
Posted on | July 16, 2010 | No Comments
Now that I live in England rather than Florida I’ve come to appreciate the warmth that I certainly took for granted when it was there year round. We don’t get a very long summer in England but we do get many months where it is still light outside when I go to bed! I have early energy and prefer early to bed early to rise but it is also light when I wake up! It seems that the personality of the entire country transforms with this season. People smile more and appear to be so much happier. The challange for all of us will be to still feel this way when it is cold and dark when we go to work and cold and dark when we come home. But for now we won’t think about that! I for one am taking the time to enjoy the summer. Just sitting in the garden in England is a real treat and I love introducing my 5 month old grandson Oscar to the sights, sounds and fragrances.
My good friend Kathryn Harwig (a gifted intuitive and palmreader) has beautifully written about July in her blog on her website www.harwig.com and she has given me permission to copy it here. I love her thoughts. I am reminded that she is in the US and not the UK when she talks about sealed offices and airconditioning and no open windows. Here the windows are opened wide! So enjoy what Kathryn has to say, visit her website to learn more about her and above all savor July!
Posted on | July 4, 2010 | No Comments
Happy 4th of July to those of you in the United States, Americans living abroad and anybody who celebrates what the United States was founded on. I am an American living in England and this is one of those days, like Thanksgiving, that makes me miss my home country. (A lot.) My soul mate is here so I wouldn’t leave without him but today is a good day to think about the differences, and the best and the worst of both places.
Let me start by saying I consider myself a global citizen and I think that nationalities, along with religions, are some of the things that divide us as human beings. In a spiritual sense we are all one and of course one man’s freedom fighter is another man’s terrorist so it is all subjective according to who is doing the experiencing.
That being said, there is a lot I miss about the US and I do believe there is a higher level of freedom there than there is here in England. For one thing, I have been a business owner in both countries and I found the rules, complexities, fees and taxes to be a bit over the top in the UK making it much easier to be in business in the US. Of course some of that ease of doing business may have been responsible for a global financial crisis but that’s another story. The American dream IS much easier to pursue in the US.
As much as US citizens are complaining about the healthcare system, at least, if you are willing to spend money, there is a choice. At least when I lived there 10 years ago I could go straight to a women’s wellness centre or private gynaecologist and not have to be referred by a GP or wait for my once every 3 – 5 year invitation. Of course the US system requires money and the UK system is free which some would argue IS freedom but still I miss the US way. (My husband just reminded me that the system here is far from free as we pay over the top taxes for it!) When our grandson was born we were given a 2 hour visiting window (that we had ½ hour of) on a crowded ward. When my children were born in the US I had a private or semi-private room and the grandparents could sit there all day bonding with their new grandchild. I see that as a freedom that doesn’t exist here.
Posted on | June 20, 2010 | 1 Comment
I made the choice almost 10 years ago to follow my heart and move 4000 miles away from my family and friends to start a new life in England where I had made a heart connection. I have never once regretting the decision to be with David who is indeed my soul mate. There are times however when I have felt guilt and times when I have missed some of the life I left behind. As my life is not the movie ‘Sliding Doors’ I cannot look at what would have been had I not made this decision. Great movie by the way, I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it.
I am a big believer in our ability to see happiness as a choice and to choose it. However, that does not preclude having regrets over some things and missing some things. Are we truly able to ‘have it all’? My generation of women (the baby boomers) were the first who certainly tried. We were wives, mothers and career women all at the same time. Some of us (I suspect many more than are honest enough to admit) could not do all 3 things really well. For me, my marriage was sacrificed, twice, although the second marriage deserved to be sacrificed. I could not be the person I am today had the first marriage not been sacrificed.
I still feel connections to my first husband’s family. I’m closer to my first mother in law than I am to my third. Even David likes Pearl. My former cousin from that family is at the very end of a struggle with pancreatic cancer and everyone has flown to Chicago to see her one more time. If I had the money to do that I would be there too. I think the family of today is truly a blended one and we are all here to love and support each other through this life we lead. I’m sending Wendi my love through the ethers.
Posted on | June 13, 2010 | No Comments
My thoughts this weekend were drawn to the cycle of life as I read the tweet of one of the people I follow on Twitter, Stephen Parker ‘parkstepp’. He includes photos in his tweets and he showed this very soulful photo of what he called ‘one coming in and one going out’.
This link is to the picture and to his blog http://tumblr.com/xjwbcsrfe
It could bring sadness, especially to any of us who have aging parents, unless we look at life from the point of view of a continuous cycle where death to this life is birth to the interlife where as spirit/souls we all learn once again the mysteries and secrets of the universe and we plan with our soul family our next incarnation in which we will learn new lessons and play different roles for each other to aid in the evolution of our consciousness. That is my belief.
Posted on | May 27, 2010 | No Comments
I’d like to share my thoughts on an article on Oprah.com by Mike Robbins and then post the entire article here so anybody, including myself, can read it anytime. It is about the art of allowing.
In 1989 (wow that is a long time ago) after my first divorce, I attended a week long personal growth/inner peace workshop that was largely about letting go of pain (pain of the body, the mind and the spirit/soul). It was something I desperately needed that year as my husband had left me and I was in a lot of pain. I experienced the concept of letting go of pain as being as easy as holding a pen and then dropping it. I learned that there is no reason to lose twice, the painful event had occurred, I didn’t need to lose again and again and again by how I was chosing to feel pain rather than move on and allow my life to begin anew. I discovered that I was a controller as much as I tried to deny that.
I was trying to control my life and everything and everyone in it. I needed desperately to learn the art of allowing.
I have to say that all of that is still a process but one that I feel I’ve come a long way with and I’m happy to help others with it now. All truely is well and as it should be and the key word is be. I had to learn to be a human BEING rather than a human DOING. Still learning that as well.
So here’s Mike Robbins’ article, hope you enjoy it like I did..
The Art of Allowing by Mike Robbins on Oprah.com
What would you think if someone told you to start practicing the art of allowing? If you have a firm grip on your world and don’t want to let go, it may be difficult. Find out how a little faith, patience and trust can get you a long way when it comes to your well-being.
A few months ago, I got some specific feedback that it would serve me, my work and my growth to start practicing the art of allowing in a more conscious and deliberate way. While I was familiar with the concept of allowing, I realized I had very little awareness or experience of it in actual practice.
Posted on | May 15, 2010 | No Comments
I babysat for my three month old grandson yesterday on my day off while his mother, my stepdaughter, went to work to talk about when she will return from maternity leave. It is her desire to return only 3 days a week. I’m so happy for her that she has made that decision as this stage of life passes all too quickly. A career can always be regained, or a new one found, but a baby is only a baby for a blink of an eye.
My own daughters are now 24 and 26 and although my gray hairs prove I’m no longer the young mother I once was in my heart I’m still a young mother with the excitement of sharing life with a baby. The baby may be a very old soul and I suspect he is, but in this life, at this moment, he is seeing everything as brand new. I took him out into the garden as the weather is finally warm here and he really enjoyed looking at the flowers and feeling the sun on his head. We couldn’t stay out as long as I would have liked because his baby skin could burn and sunburn on top of teething pain and baby reflux just would not be nice.
He doesn’t do a lot of eye contact yet (in fact David thinks he is very smart and playing games already the way he will avoid it), but when I was giving him his bottle we gazed at each other for a very long time and I told him how beautiful, special and important he is. I sang to him as he doesn’t judge that I can’t sing and we cuddled. I think holding a baby like this is a wonderful form of meditation and inner peace. The world stopped so we could just be. I remembered to breath which I don’t always do in the middle of a busy day. When his mother came back and she held him she looked very relaxed too. When she held him while he slept she commented that she doesn’t often do this at home because she has to use that time to get things done in the house. I remember bits of a poem from when I was a young mother about dust and cobwebs go away I’m holding my baby and babies don’t stay or something like that. Note to self – share that with Rachel. Being a stepmother I’m a little less likely to say what I think than I would with my own daughters but that thought is certainly worth sharing. I remember how I never wanted the stage of nursing my babies to end as it just felt so peaceful rocking with them in the rocking chair in the middle of the night. There is really nothing else like it. So for any mothers reading this, trust me, the sleepless nights will end and the time will come when you will wish they were back. Babies represent an opportunity to practice unconditional love and so far, with little Oscar I’m finding it very easy.keep looking »